High-Ranking Professional Refuses to Give Entitled Sister-in-Law a Job Reference After Years of Nasty Behavior

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Dec 8, 2024 11:00 PM EST

When you get married, you don't just say "I do" to your partner. You're basically marrying their entire family, too. And in the honeymoon phase, you might even imagine their siblings becoming your built-in besties, like a Hallmark movie coming to life. But then this time of year rolls around, the holidays hit, and suddenly, you're reminded that family dynamics are complicated, especially when you're trying to strategically plan visits with both sides. If your in-laws are chill, consider yourself blessed. But for some, marrying into a family means navigating the awkward, entitled sibling who seems determined to turn every interaction into a power struggle.

This woman thought she could keep her peace by steering clear of her sister-in-law. After years of the cold shoulder, she thought she had their "no-relationship" dynamic figured out until her sister-in-law asked her for a job reference... without even speaking to her directly. Now, she's stuck between protecting her professional reputation and trying not to spark more family drama than there already is. Read on to see how this tricky situation unfolds.

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  • 01
    AITA for refusing to provide a reference for my sister-in- law, who has always been nasty toward me?
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 02
    I (37F) have been married to my husband (42M) for 13 years, and we've been together for 16. We have a strong relationship, and I'm genuinely happy with the little family we've built. The only real conflict in our lives has been caused by his sister (42F).
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 03
    She's his only sibling, and for as long as I've known her, she's been ride and dismissive toward me. She has embarrassed me in front of others, been outright nasty, and refuses to acknowledge me when we're in the same room. As a result, we
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 04
    have no relationship at all—and I'm perfectly fine with that. Recently, she applied for an administrative job with the police. As part of the hiring process, they require record/ background checks on family
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 05
    members. She listed my husband as a reference (which I have no issue with), but she also asked for me to complete a reference form. The strange part? She didn't even ask me directly-she told my husband to have me fill it out.
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 06
    Here's my dilemma: I hold a high-ranking position with the federal government and have undergone extensive security clearances. I've worked hard to maintain my professional reputation, and I don't want to associate myself with her,
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 07
    especially given her behavior toward me and the lack of any real relationship. I also don't understand why she's asking me when she has other in-laws she gets along with better.
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 08
    I told my husband I don't want to fill out the form, but I know this might cause tension between them. AITA for refusing to provide the reference?
    via u/Aware-String-6045
  • 09
    AshamedLeg4337 .7h ago • F you filling it out. If it were my wife that my sister had treated like sh, I would have just told my sister to shove both of our forms up her a and submit those.
    via u/AshamedLeg4337
  • 10
    Please tell your husband a man said as much if he has a problem with your actions. Honestly I'm not impressed with a guy who would let that slide. NTA.
    via u/AshamedLeg4337
  • 11
    Ok_Stable7501 • 7h ago Top 1% Commenter I was asked to fill out one of these for a friend who had lots of honesty issues. (Her husband was friends with mine and she asked both of us to fill it out.) I texted her and said I would be happy to complete the form but I wouldn't lie... how would
    via u/Ok_Stable7501
  • 12
    she like me to proceed? She said she'd find someone else. NTA but I suggest this approach. Or have your husband tell her this.
    via u/Ok_Stable7501
  • 13
    Caspian4136 • 7h ago NTA Top 1% Commenter Why don't you take this opportunity to tell her all of this yourself? She's been so nasty to you over the years, time she learned that you can't treat someone like sh and still expect them to do something for you.
    via u/Caspian4136
  • 14
    • Minute-Chemical-6397 8h ago • You title says it all. You really don't owe her anything. Maybe it's high time she learned a valuable lesson on bu ying NG and how it gets you nothing
    via u/Minute-Chemical-6397
  • 15
    JMarchPineville • 7h ago Ohh I yeah I'd complete the form. And I'd be VERY honest about what my opinion of her is. Don't. Miss. This. Opportunity. Then post an update on r/pettyrevenge
    via u/JMarchPineville
  • 16
    Realistic-Mammoth-77 .7h ago NTA I would tell your husband that you are unable to put your reputation on the line for her because of the way she treats you. Remind him that he's welcome to be a reference to her. If he gives you push back give a few examples of her actions and ask how you think it would reflect on you professionally if she treats
    via u/Realistic-Mammoth-77
  • 17
    someone else that way and you gave her a glowing recommendation. He'll probably try and say she would never do that in the workplace- family has problems blah blah blah - tell him while that might be true you worked very hard to get where you are and her actions haven't given you any reason to believe she wouldn't treat another person
    via u/Realistic-Mammoth-77
  • 18
    she doesn't like the same way. Your husband is already t a because he has let this treatment go on. Maybe if he had spoken up for you early on this would've gone differently for everyone but sounds like he has not. Allowing the disrespect to continue is him and his whole family letting you know they are okay with you being treated like crop. I would. have a conversation about that as well.
    via u/Realistic-Mammoth-77
  • 19
    BirdWise2851 • 7h ago • Where has your husband been for all these years when she's been treating you like sh ? Seems like she deserves a reality check.
    via u/BirdWise2851
  • 20
    Rancesj 1988 • 7h ago • NTA. The fact that she asked your husband to tell you to fill out the form is ridiculous. Time for your husband to grow a pair.
    via u/Rancesj1988
  • 21
    Danube_Kitty • 7h ago NTA. Honestly I am suprised your husband haven't rejected the idea of you filling a form. "Sis, no. I won't even ask my wife to fill this for you. I know she would say no. Like seriously, you have b lls to ask this, not even her directly, when you treat her like an garbage the whole time. ...I said no. If you won't stop, I won't fill in myself."
    via u/Danube_Kitty
  • 22
    SoMoistly Moist • 7h ago Top 1% Commenter It always is so funny to me when people think they can just keep getting it away with their bad behavior, right up until they need a favor. I don't care if I had a job as the local Street sweeper, I would not fill out a reference for her. Apparently she doesn't realize that actions have consequences and she's not too
    via u/SoMoistlyMoist
  • 23
    old to be taught that lesson. Who cares if it causes tension between them, make sure your husband has your back and not hers. Or alternatively, you can tell your husband you'll be happy to fill out a reference form but it ain't going to be a good one.
    via u/SoMoistlyMoist
  • 24
    < L comma P ? > shift Here's my dilemma: I hold a high-ranking position with the federal government and have undergone extensive security clearances. I've worked hard to maintain my professional reputation, and I don't want to associate myself with her,
    via Unsplash (Getty Images)

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family drama employee drama job sibling rivalry sister-in-law siblings work petty revenge entitled job search reference funny karma entitled people
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